Posted by Sober Chick on Sunday, November 2 2008 at 11:32 pm
Anyways in the process of switching over hosts my last post got lost. I am hoping it will be recovered, powerless, oh well. THANK YOU for all of your comments and emails. I appreciate your words and support so much.
Trudging into year 2. Busy bee, placing my program first! Sponsee that is teaching me patience. I am not sure how much she wants this and I may have to let her go. No human power right, and I cannot help someone who does not have the willingness to take direction. More to be revealed . . .
So last time this year I was in a women’s rehab for the second time. I am gr8ful for that time. Of course then I was full of shame and guilt, my pride and EGO were crushed and I was drenched in Fear.
A woman shared this morning during the women’s stag I attend. She has 6 days. I shook the hand of a newcomer recently with 24 hours, her hands were sweaty from the poison trying to leave her body. We never come in bright and full of life. But that desperation can be the greatest catalyst to begin a journey of healing. This thing is so deadly and it is taking others right now down a dark lonely path. Such truth. I was there not too long ago and can go there in a second if I do not actively participate in my recovery. That is my truth.
Ok this is short but needed to post. I keep steady presence on Facebook. Look me up if you want. For now I send you love and cyber hugs. Oh and that is Bailey Bubbas, our new addition to our family. He is quite the handful. His cuteness saves him lots.
SC
Category: Recovery
Posted by Sober Chick on Tuesday, August 5 2008 at 10:48 am
Checking in really quick. It has been a loooong time since I have posted. I am over 10 months of continuous sobriety. OMG!!! Sometimes I get in my funks, but I get through it not alone. I am meeting with the head counselor today at the recovery home I went to last September for an interview. She is writing her thesis on women with EDs and self injury. I also was asked to speak at the Casa graduation in a few weeks. WOW, what an honor.
On a sad note I have seen the reality of this Dz. There are only a few sober gals still trudging from when I went through the house. I have some understanding of it for this Dz called my soul too and I fell ill to it March of last year. There are no guarantees right! We only have today.
Sometimes I still have a hard tome getting that, “one day at a time.” My mind wants to either jump to tomorrow or focus on yesterday.
I am so grateful for my commitments, my home group, sponsor, counselors from Casa, my family, animals, SOBER SOFTBALL!!!!, and sooo much more. You know sometimes my head gets loud and I get so pissed off that I am an alcoholic. I have to do so much work to get the loudness down and stay connected. Sometimes I wish I could sit back and enjoy an alcohol beverage.
What the “bleep” does that mean!?! Well I know my truth and this gal does not simply sit and have one mix drink. My idea of drinking is pouring straight RUM into a Mug of ice, sweetening it with some crystal light and slamming it at 7:00 am in the morning. If I do not continue to do what I am doing I can so easily have no defense and slip into that state of lifelessness and destruction.
I LOVE you all! I am thankful to all the emails I have gotten from people who have stopped by my blog. Thank you. I need the support . . . it allows me to know you are in my corner :)
Got some pix up if you wanna see.
www.web.me.com/christinaruelas/Our_Family
www.gallery.me.com/christinaruelas
MUAH!!!!
Category: Recovery
Posted by Sober Chick on Friday, April 4 2008 at 9:42 am
This will be short cuz I fractured my wrist snowboarding and so can type using 1 hand. Good thing is that I was sober when this happened unlike last year @ this time when I fractured my foot. Yup I had some pretty insane moments in those crutches, going in the supermarket to get my Rum . . . being restricted with the use of crutches . . . a plastic bag to hold my bottles . . . cling, cling, cling the Rum bottles said as they clashed into the crutch as I ventured down the isle. I dare not look anyone in the eye for fear of how they would look at me. I had to do what I had to do to maintain my disease, alcohol was my higher power then. Thank you HP that I don’t have to live that way anymore.
The wonderful gift (one of several) is that I get to share those experiences that were so humiliating at the time with others in recovery and laugh about them. Not only can another alcoholic relate but there is that relief of “oh my goodness I am not the only one” that helps the shame and guilt be lifted. I know you all experience this in the rooms of AA. Laughter is a wonderful medicine for emotional pain.
We went to Mammoth with some of our friends in the program and some non-program peeps last weekend. Despite my injury it was so fun. What joy to be with others and create new experiences in sobriety. I fear people yet have this desire to be with you. AA is teaching me how to be a part of, to be of service and mix with you.
I made it to my 6 months a few weeks ago. It is so different this time. Instead of being a visitor of AA as I view myself the first 21 months of my first attempt at sobriety, I am an active member of AA. I am “in” AA.
It feels beautiful to breath again . . .
Category: Recovery
Posted by Sober Chick on Monday, February 25 2008 at 4:59 pm
Well we discovered that one of our female guinea pigs turned out to be a boy. We immediately got him neutered but the damage was already done. Last week Mitch & I became grandparents :) and Punkin had an uneventful birthing process. We call them “A” “B” & “C”. My sponsor will be taking 2 of them and we will keep one. I am so excited about that! They are sooooo cute and make my heart flutter. Take a look:
http://web.mac.com/christinaruelas/iWeb/
Recently I got to witness something HUGE in AA, the passing of an outstanding member of AA and the reaction of those whose souls have been impacted by this person. I attended a memorial with my sponsor yesterday and it was amazing to hear how HUGE this person’s world was and the mark he has left. This person had 2 sure things, a Faith and Trust in his God. His wife, suiting up and showing up and getting through this with the AA family. This is a result of the power of the group and their spiritual insurance. It is something so huge, intimate and profound.
I GET to be a part of this thing called life. I am being carried, taught and loved by those such as yourself. I am like a butterfly in a cocoon that has been trying so desperately to break free, to be able to fly free. This cocoon is all I have known and is a comfort. It keeps me to itself and does not allow me to grow. But wait there is a way. This fellowship is helping me to break through this cocoon. It is such a new experience. Many of you were once trapped but you broke free . . . I can too.
2dAAy i am grAAteful:
- Sponsor, grand-sponsor and great grand-sponsor
- KG Babies and baby events
- The Pacific Group & the Yard
- My AA commitments and consistent meeting agenda
- That a little willingness goes a long way
- Alexis celebrated 3 years yesterday, so grateful to have her in my life!
- “D” is back after almost losing her life to this Dz. I pray that you keep on this path no matter how bumpy it gets!
- 2B speaking on a panel 2nite at PRC
- Step work from the Big Book
- So much laughter experienced each night before bed with Mitch
- Be feeling a little more comfortable in my skin
- Set aside prayer
- Old Timers, I am amazed that you walked into these rooms many years ago and discovered what I am barely tapping into now
- Humility
154 days sober. It feels so different than the first time. I rode that pink cloud back then. Today that is not so. That’s ok with me cuz God says so!
Category: Recovery
